Momming It


img_3521This blog goes out to mamas of multiples and people just generally curious about how all of this goes (or how I’m still trying to figure out how it goes)

First and foremost, some women have beautiful, healthy pregnancies. And some woman have terrifying and gut wrenching ones.

I have scarcely heard of a pregnancy with multiples that was uneventful. I wish I would have known from the start these few things. One: you may have a small bleed or large one at some point. Two: Almost everything you planned for will not come to fruition, for example, vaginal birth, no bedrest, no shortening of the cervix, no NICU time and few ultrasounds. And three: The risks of identical twins and triples I.E. (TTTS) We had all of these.

Many women who carry one baby have some or all of these things happen as well. It is nevertheless scary for every mother.

When we left the NICU with our boys, they had never been off heart, oxygen and blood pressure monitors for a day in their lives. Needless to say, I was terrified to take them off of all the safeguards and take them home. I wanted the 250$ monitors that would alert me if their oxygen dropped or heart rate elevated or decreased. I wanted them so badly. To the point of extreme anxiety. Now? I thank my lucky stars that we didn’t purchase them. Why? Because I never would have learned to deal with my fears. I never would have overcome the road blocks I was putting in front of myself. The amazing NICU doctors sent us home for a reason. The boys were healthy. Healthy enough to come off the monitors and I had to trust them…and I had to have faith in the strength of my boys. I did, and I am forever thankful.

Now I am not bashing any mother who has ever used those monitors. But I guarantee that one day, they stopped using them too. And they did exactly what I did.

We had a crib all set up for the boys. Did they sleep in it? No because sleeping in their rock and plays was just far more convenient for us and the boys at the time. A lot of people who disagree with this and that’s fine. For us, it worked. They were checked on more than often and always doing fine.

I see a lot…and I mean a lot of posts and articles about women who have had to have c sections. Let me say something that’s been weighing on my heart all this time. Had I been physically able to have my boys vaginally you bet I would have. However that option was not safe for the boys and not safe for me. I’d say 98% of the time that’s why women have to have c sections in the first place. At 32 weeks we found out that my placenta was failing and Sylas was not growing and thriving anymore. He was giving his blood and nutrients to Lucian. We had to wait 2 more agonizing weeks to find that there was no change and that Sy’s heart rate was dropping. I was told that day that we had 2 hours to prepare to get them out and safe. We had to sign papers to give the hospital permission for a blood transfusion because the boys were suspected to be anemic.

My boys were still born. They didn’t get cheated on birth because they had to be pulled out of my uterus via c section and ANY mother who has gone through this knows that all too well as well. Not only do we share tiger stripes from stretch makes but we also bare a horizontal or vertical scar that represents what it took to get our babies here safely.

I applaud every women who has been able to have a vaginal birth. I’m taking nothing away from them. However I am lifting up the women who had to bring life into this world a little differently.

I get asked frequently what I do when the twins cry at the same time. What do I do? I breathe. Sometimes I cry too. But after their tears? Joy. Pure bliss that I even get the opportunity to hear cries of a life that I grew inside of me.

Every new mom is just figuring it out. One baby, two babies, three babies and more. I’ve come to appreciate that if we are all still breathing at the end of the day…that I haven’t failed and that I am blessed. We all are. I hope you know that you’re momming the shit out of it! You’re not failing. With sweats on, makeup unheard of, poop under your fingernails and a permanent messy bun…you are beautiful.