The Clean Slate

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I am going to be brutally honest. Maybe for the first time ever. My name is B, and for the last four years of my life…iv been addicted to a synthetic opiate called “Tramidol”. I was originally prescribed the medication for my scoliosis but of course as time went on, it became less about my back pain and more about staying numb. And anyone who knows what substance abuse is like…than you know that you have to stay high to avoid the “sickness”. Withdrawal. One word that describes absolute hell to people who have raged that war. For most of us, we have to hit rock bottom before we realize there is a problem. Or that there was one right in front of us the whole time. Growing and manifesting itself into a big monster that will rear its ugly head at some point. My rock bottom started soon after I started taking Tramidol. The worst thing you can do to yourself if you’ve never gotten over your past is to give yourself something presently to numb it and ultimately something that will swallow you in the future. I got swallowed fast. I was in too deep from the start…and I liked it. I liked not feeling the pain. And lucky me, I had an “excuse” to self medicate. I could tell anyone questioning me that the medication was prescribed for my back pain. What a load of (sorry mom) shit! I knew. I knew what i was doing. And guess what? Soon so would everyone.

 

This story is much too long to write in one sitting. It has to be right. It has to be true. I am going to tell my story while I simultaneously start my journey to recovery. Not just recovery from substance abuse. Rather my recovery from everything. This isn’t just for me. Its a beacon of hope for all the young and old people who have walked and are continuing to walk this path with me. Its time to wipe the slate, guys.

-B

 

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One thought on “The Clean Slate

  1. Grandma MooCow

    Many prayers are going up on your behalf. It didn’t happen over night and the cure won’t happen over night. You are a strong, beautiful young lady and you can overcome this. We are behind you all the way. Love you.

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