Seems most mornings I wake up, feeling like I’ve been on a 24 hour binge of some sort. No matter how long I sleep, I am always still exhausted and deleterious. Recently it has been hard for me to decipher what is reality and what is just in the space that occupies my own head. Every morning i say, “It will get better, you will get better.” Only to find that that most days are considerably worse than the last. See I am a “people pleaser”. I do for others things and duties in which I cant even imagine doing for myself. If i stop and think about it, most things I do in day to day fashion is for or to please someone other than I. Its pathetic and I am considerably unfortunate to be writing this about myself. But this is the bed I’ve made and the one I’ll have to lay in until I decide to update to Egyptian cotton (ha ha).
If you knew me, you’d know that I use to be a strong, quick witted young lady whom spoke her mind (well in moderation of course). I had hobbies and talents in which i took much pride in. The world laid out in front of me with endless possibilities, or so I thought. But at this young age don’t we all assume these things? That we will grow up, be prom queens, be valedictorian, move away to college, meet our sweetheart and live happily ever after behind a white picket fence? C’mon I know it seems like afar stretch of the imagination NOW but then, why not? Then we hit puberty…tough things and changes occur that we haven’t necessarily been forewarned about and we improvise. Sometimes to our advantage…but most times not. We live, we learn, and we fall. Ive fallen and I cant get back up…I wish they had Life Alert for real life downfalls as well not just the helpless elderly. (No offense elderly)