Clean and Serene

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I’d never spoken of the secret I had while in rehabilitation. It was safer to repress and keep locked up in my head.  To me it wasn’t just a secret, but a cunning whisper in my ear. I’d hear it while I lay in my bed sweating, writhing, and tossing in withdrawal. I’d hear it…

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Mom-shame to A-game

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In a society where women have been fighting together for equality and justice, sometimes I am discouraged to see that us women are too often the source of each others heartache and grief. If I ever thought that girls could be mean as kids and teenagers…I entered a whole different ballpark when I became a…

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The Dirty Bumbo

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The boys are rounding a year old. We hear parents and family talk about “how fast time flies when you have children”. I feel silly for ever thinking that was a cliche because it 100% isn’t. As I have been reflecting on this past year feeling proud and accomplished to still have all of my…

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Queen B or Queen Me?

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To celebrities having or who have been blessed with twins or multiples in general, This is what being a mother of multiples really looks like. Even mothers with multiple children. No makeup, no retouching on my belly, booty or my baggy under-eyes. I have yesterday’s spit up on my wrinkled sweats and today’s regurgitated sweet…

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I was Regina George

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This post is important for many different reasons. It’s important for me to reflect on. To admit to myself and to possibly say what others may have thought. I was Regina George in high school. Wow **feww** feels good to get that off of my chest. If I go back and really try to remember…

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Momming It

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This blog goes out to mamas of multiples and people just generally curious about how all of this goes (or how I’m still trying to figure out how it goes) First and foremost, some women have beautiful, healthy pregnancies. And some woman have terrifying and gut wrenching ones. I have scarcely heard of a pregnancy…

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My little Cancers

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I’ve gone to write this update for a while now and feel like I don’t even know where to begin. I went to a scheduled ultrasound check up and never left the hospital that day…that week…even that month. They saw that my little twin, Sylas hadn’t grown in two weeks so, it was time to…

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Mommy-ing For Dummies

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I have completely fooled myself by thinking that the anxiety of this twin pregnancy would get easier the farther along we got. The risks never really go away. As soon as you’re out of the woods on one complication, another one has already started to round the corner. But we are so close and it’s…

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Times Two

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I don’t think that even I could have imagined the series of events that transpired in 2015. I thought that becoming sober would be the last climax to my year in November but alas, December 4th I took a test and saw those lines pop-up. Pregnant. My first reaction? Excitement…which was quickly coupled by fear…

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First Free

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I’ll start this one be saying that no one starts out in life wanting to be an addict. No child responds to the infamous question of, “what do you want to be when you grow up?’ with the remark “a drug addict”. Eventually I think its safe to assume that we all become addicted to…

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